Bloody banks… here we go again

It took six months (though two months of that was down to me, it still took six months no thanks to them).

To get an internet access to some my banking facilities.

It’s an awfully long time to be without access to your money – especially if one is deaf, not living in the UK and has no one else linked to the accounts.

The bank, verbally sympathetic, their actions suggest otherwise.

I first sent off an application more than six months ago. This was in two parts, paper and online. I duly did both.

Many weeks later, while working in Saharan Libya where no permanent habitation can be found within a 4-hours drive in any direction, I received an email asking me to telephone on their freephone number or if abroad, the international number.

The phonecall was needed to confirm the online part of the application was indeed completed by me.

I replied explaining that I’m in the middle of nowhere, telephone facilities are non-existent, even if there were, I cannot use them for that I’m deaf. I had explained that on the paper application form.

I asked if the other joint-account owner could verify on my behalf.

No, it must be me. I was asked to fax a copy of my passport off. There is much fuss at my end, reasons I don’t want to explain for fear of identity theft, but managed to get a fax off to them of a copy of my passport.

They then pointed out they want a certified copy of my passport. Eventually I found the right person (it must be a senior doctor, bank manager, judge or a policeman of a high enough ranking). This was all done without me being in the UK. All by email.

A faxed copy was sent off, with the certification.

They replied saying the passport look like it has been resized and must not be a scanned copy but a photocopy. I tried again – photocopy, then scan it in, then fax it.

They say the same thing.

By this time, a further two weeks elapsed. I pointed out that I’ve been unable to reach my accounts for sometime now and I really don’t want to let another monthly period pass by without checking.

They said they cannot do anything else, and must be a photocopy of the passport and it must be certified. Due to me having the passport in the middle of the biggest sandy desert in the world, I cannot do anything more.

I replied saying I am going to go to a branch in the UK, it will be in London as thats where my return flight ends up. They replied saying get the bank to fax the passport.

I arrived at a branch in London, I was immediately turned down because they want the account details for the relevant account – “sorry, we cannot help you, you have a credit card”. I said but it is for that account only, that is all I have. She was really bitchy, and that is a word I very very rarely use. Even in explaining to her that all she had to do was ring up X department, they will know who I am. She said I could ring them up myself. I pointed to my hearing aids and said I would love to, but I have a hearing probl…. “NEXT PLEASE!”. I was shuffled to one side. No point fighting someone behind a glass facade and has about as much empathy as Margaret Thatcher had for the miners.

I called into another branch, where I was met by a very kind assistant. After talking to the revelant department, he faxed off a photocopy of my passport.

A week later, I was due to leave London and head home. No emails has arrived confirming receipt of my passport. I went back to the branch and saw the same assistant again. On contacting the department he was told he need to fax it again, but certify it.

On returning home in late September, I followed the instructions on the new activation email. Unfortunately, I had forgotten the original “memorable” data I had put down – trying it three times before being locked out.

I tried to get my relative to phone on my behalf to rectify the problem. No such luck, it has to be me and I must have my phonebank passwords and all the plethora of identifications related to telephone banking. I never registered for it for obvious reasons. A few days later I got an application for phonebanking. Useless!

Before I knew it, I was back in Libya and unable to do anything at this end because I knew I’d be back to square one. ARGH!

I retried again now that I’m back home, applied on paper and online, stressing it must be resolved fast or I’m unable to complete the process from another country.

Lo’ and behold – an email asking me to phone them. I got my mum to telephone them, asked them to relay questions to me, and I’d answer them after my mum has left the room. This was all explained to them.

No, they are not authorised to provide questions to someone who is not answering them. How stupid is that?

So, I got an email five minutes later asking me to fax off a copy of my passport within 24-hrs. I rushed to my home branch and got them to photocopy and certify the passport, fax it off.

Now, I know a lot of stuff is related to security, but this is the most over-the-top procedure I’ve ever had to deal with. Why isn’t my signature not enough? Why isn’t the other joint-owner on the account isn’t enough to authorise on my behalf? Why can’t they be a little bit more flexible – it is possible to flexible without compromising security, but it seems innovation is not a criteria for a bank.

So, what did I learn from all this:

1) Get to know a few people at your home branch well – set up your account with them, and use them regularly if you can (not easy when banking hours matches office hours). After a while, they will be able to be flexible, and do more for you than the average faceless customer.

2) A department or services away from the local branch is incredibly inflexible, reachable only by phone, resulting in a limited service for deaf people. When applying for a new account, find out what services you need and what services can be immediately offered by your local (and other branches) without the use of a phone or another department.

3) Don’t ever forget your passwords – write them down – I rarely write passwords down, but for banking purposes, I do, because the sheer hassle of forgetting passwords as a deaf person would be comical if it was something less serious. Writing passwords down does weaken security somewhat, I do my level best to put it somewhere safe, and if found, is meaningless to someone else. But that does means I have to remember where I put it!

Representatives of the banking industry said on See Hear a year ago that services to disabled people are not reduced due to centralisation. Let this be an example of many from my blog and other stories reported by deaf people all over the UK.